SexpoSo, I went to the Sexpo this weekend. Yep, the Sexpo – the Health, Sexuality and Lifestyle Expo on at the Cape Town International Convention Centre (CTICC).

I was curious! And, besides, isn’t that all part of living the good life?

Well, it was interesting, but certainly not phenomenal, and I really don’t think it was worth the R100 that I forked over to get in (my half-price voucher, dutifully torn out of the Cape Times, turned out to be for Thursdays only – dang!).

To begin with, I really think the organisers could have worked on making more intimate spaces for their shows and workshops. Everything in those cavernous CTICC showrooms is ever so brightly lit by the unsympathetic glare of hundreds of fluorescent lights, and the noise (bouncing off those high ceilings) is sometimes deafening.

I’ve never seen a real stripshow in the flesh (so to speak), but at a guess I’d imagine they’re far more flatteringly lit than the one I witnessed at the ‘Chapel of Love’. Had they created a more private environment (or at the very least one a little shielded from the blazing orbs above) it might have been a different story. Instead, it felt awkward, and most of the people watching didn’t seem to know quite what to do with themselves.

How anyone would want to get married there, I really don’t know.

Pricasso on stageThe main stage was better lit, and away from the main throng, so perhaps those shows were better… There wasn’t much going on there, though, until I was on my way out – which is when I saw Pricasso in action.

Now, I’m not sure what I expected, but as I’ve never before seen anyone painting with their dangly bits, it’s not that surprising that I found it just a trifle scarring. The man stood on stage in silver boots and silver hat (that’s all, folks), and, making use of his, erm, ‘paintbrush’, managed to create a pretty realistic portrait of an audience member (umm, make that, ‘participant’).

The sight of a gleaming and entirely hairless man, unhesitatingly grabbing all of his bits in one hand (and I do mean block and tackle), covering them with bright paint and then using them to garnish a large canvas enthusiastically is one for which nothing can prepare you… (once you’ve seen it, there’s no going back).

But I cannot deny that the man has talent (the portrait of Cape Town Mayor, Helen Zille, and President George Bush were particularly amusing).

What I didn’t expect to find at the Sexpo was anything remotely organic. But, lo and behold, in between all the many many stalls of lingerie, lubricants and leisure toys I discovered Healthway Natural Products and Yes (TM), the world’s first and only organic personal lubricants (!).

Health Way StallHealthway’s ‘African Healing Clay‘ is amazing stuff. It’s made from 100% natural healing materials, primarily comprising Montmorillonite, a green healing clay known for its ability to “absorb and adsorb positively charged ions in the body”:

“When wet the clay develops a strong negative charge. Toxins, heavy metals, bacteria and most viruses are positively charged. The clay therefore draws the impurities out like a magnet.”

Even the small sample I tried there worked wonders (I can still see the difference on my hands, even now), so I believe they’re on to something here… Plus, you can even take the stuff internally, to clear out toxins that way – which sounds pretty cool to me.

Nectar StallAnd then I wandered over to ‘nectar: sexual wisdom & alchemy‘, a stall dedicated to self-healing using a combination of practices from the Tao and Tantric philosophies:

“The self-healing techniques are intended to amplify and transmute sexual energy, impart true intimacy, balance our male and female polarities, rejuvenate the body and clear out old blockages.”

Now that, to me, is far more appealing (and accessible) than some of the weird and gaudy gadgets I saw along the way. And it was at ‘Nectar’ that I found Yes™, apparently the world’s first organic intimacy products.

“Yes™ has been designed with natural plant-based ingredients which are bio-adhesive, water-carrying and viscosity-retaining. The flax extract in combination with the Guar, Locust Bean and Xanthan gums provide these valuable properties. This formulation enables the product to carry water to the mucous membranes, to protect them and to continue to release moisture as it adheres to their surface for sustained hydration. (link)

What a fabulous notion! They’re rather on the pricey side (R180 for a small, back-pocket size tube), but if you’re worried about the possible hazards of synthetic lubricants it might just be worth it.

All in all, I have to say I’m highly unlikely to go again next year, unless I find a valid voucher. I’d far rather have spent that money in classy (intimate) joints like Kink or Lady Chatterley’s Chamber (both in Gardens area FYI) than wandering the CTICC’s over-bright and rowdy floor.

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